How to Not Suck at Karaoke
(OR) Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
I’ll be the first to acknowledge that some people at karaoke bars are legitimately good singers. They’re often easy to miss, quietly sipping on a beer in the corner, taking the mic every 5 songs to belt one out. You don’t really notice them cuz you’re slugging back jager shots and washing them down with your fourth Bud Light. Then you hear a song that makes you think someone switched over to a Spotify playlist and slowly, through the fog of intoxication you realize nope, that’s Sumiko over there who can legitimately sing like Celine Dion.
But this is not you
You walk into a karaoke bar after you have had six or seven drinks and it’s still early enough in the night that you have energy to do something. You’re with a group of people, most of whom you don’t know very well (because you’d never do this with people you might actually see again), and a girl who’s definitely under the age of 25 shouts,
LET’S GO KARAOKE!!
Someone else seconds the motion, and just like that the matter is decided. You disappear into a neon-looking drinking establishment that still has bubble screen TVs.
To sing or not to sing
Always sing. Let’s be clear, the worst karaoke singer is the one who doesn’t sing. I mean, what is even the point? Literally, what are you even doing here?
Anyone who thinks they might escape karaoke without taking center stage at least once has fallen victim to the Imposter Syndrome (and is probably also a selfish lover).
Know thy Enemy
On a simple level, Imposter Syndrome is the feeling that you are a fraud. It is the stress of believing you are the only one who knows this shameful truth, coupled with the anxiety that sooner or later, everyone else is going to realize it too. Imposter Syndrome causes people to operate from a place of fear; to act defensively, instead of bravely facing their ignorance with a willingness to learn.
People suffering from Imposter Syndrome are usually in a bad mood, and say “no” a lot. They also don’t sing at karaoke. Ironically, Imposter Syndrome- a behavior motivated by the desire to hide ignorance- begets further ignorance, as the victim becomes increasingly withdrawn into their own insecurities.
Worst of all, Imposter Syndrome is a vicious cycle wrapped in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Those who believe they are a fraud eventually prove themselves to be as such, and so the pattern repeats.
Fortunately Imposter Syndrome is easy to overcome if you follow the same 3 principles that a required to not suck at karaoke. Should you find yourself in either situation, consider the following…
1. Pick something with soul
No slow songs. No sad songs. No one came to hear Dashboard Confessional (absolutely never sing Dashboard Confessional). Choose something that the crowd will enjoy both hearing and dancing/moving to. Karaoke is not a private activity. Like good sex, you need think about someone besides yourself.
2. Don’t panic when you don’t know all the words.
That’s okay. No one really knows all the words to any song. You may think you do, but it’s a little known fact that in every karaoke performance there’s a sticky point in the song that everyone hums and mumbles through. When you find yourself in this situation, don’t panic. Remember, that bubble tv with the lyrics is there for you. The key is: don’t make up your own words when the lyrics are right in front of you.
Don’t go off on your own riff. You didn’t write this song; you don’t get a solo. Stick to the script. Remember that people have a tendency to rush when they’re nervous or uncomfortable. Follow the bouncing ball and sing what’s on the screen, Madonna.
3. Be honest with yourself: you can’t sing
No, you’re not as good as you think you are in the shower, and even if you were, what you hear reverberating off the tile walls of your bathroom is pretty much the absolute inverse of what your drunken slurring into a microphone sounds like.
But of course that’s no excuse not to get up there. Not singing may seem like a great way to save face and remain mysterious, but it’s also a cop-out.
Everyone has a voice to lend; everyone has a song they can perform. The delta of opportunity is between you and someone who doesn’t suck at karaoke is much greater than the delta of capability. The trick is to just find your groove, and you can only do that by trying, failing, and learning what works.
Yeah you may suck at first. You may pick a dud, or find out that your really can’t hit that one note, but karaoke is not rocket science. The qualifications for success are extremely low.
Have a voice? Have a song you like? Great you’re hired!
Imposter Syndrome is the feeling you are in a place you shouldn’t be, whether it’s on a stage singing Total Eclipse of the Heart, or facing a job you don’t think you can do, but you will never know what you’re fully capable of without giving it a try.
Anyone who’s ever done anything great has had to wade into the unknown for the first time at some point, and the only difference between you and someone who’s done it before is that they wanted to do it. You are the only person who needs to believe you are where you are meant to be, and right now that place is in a karaoke bar. Go grab the mic. It’s your turn.
